Self Love

Does anxiety make anyone else feel like they’re waking up on the wrong side of the bed for a week straight? Or sometimes your going about your day and you drop something or wack your elbow on a corner and all of a sudden your the hulk. What is the deal?

I think anxiety has me so on edge sometimes for days at a time that I feel like the slightest wrong move or comment and it’s like a switch is flipped in my brain. I’m not an aggressive person, I’m not necessarily a patient person mostly with myself but I wouldn’t qualify myself as an angry person. I just wonder sometimes what can be done to bring myself down from this random rampage. Then I come down from being angry and then I feel horrible and guilty for getting so angry and annoyed at essentially nothing.

Then…depression.

I begin to rip myself apart on the inside and feel like the most unworthy and unwanted person in the world. Then I start to feel a little happier over the next few hours or days then the something sets me off and the cycle begins again. It constantly makes me think that I’m alone and a complete waste.

This is what a week of my severe anxiety and depression can look like. It’s awful and the only thing that can break it is trying to find a way back to myself. I have a hard time making happiness a habit because I usually feel like I don’t deserve happiness. Like only some people get to be happy and I’m not one of these people. They’ve figured something out or I wonder if there’s only so much happiness to go around. This mindset can be very depressing and stressful and this mindset can be very difficult to break. Sometimes I think I’m making life too difficult like, “Laura, calm down and just do something simple to make yourself happy,” and it can be the best advice to myself. Taking a few deep breaths and baking cookies may seriously be the best thing we can do for ourselves.

I wonder what the world would look like if we all loved ourselves a little louder and more often. I have such a hard time with this. I constantly have body image issues, self-esteem issues, a hard time forgiving myself for little mistakes, and a hard time believing I’m worth happiness. I know this may not be true but a lot of the time I believe it. We should all do something that makes us happy, buy the shoes, wear the cute top that hides in the back of closet, bake something, follow our dreams even if that means starting so small no one even notices. Sometimes the best things can come from trying to love yourself and putting ourselves first a little more often. After all, I think anxiety is a form of kindness. It’s a way of basically saying we care too much about what the world sees and not enough about what we see.

P.S. You are not alone and you deserve happiness. Have a wonderful day. ❤️

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