A few weeks ago I decided to try a self-experiment. I wanted to stop getting on social media because it was depressing me and crushing my self-esteem. So I wanted to take a break and see if it improved my confidence and self worth to not look at what other people are doing.
So I’m about to be brutally honest with you. I know what your thinking, great another post about how things aren’t what they seem on social media. But, this is just more specifically what I learned from not getting on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. This is a photo of me when I do my makeup.
The truth is this photo was taken this morning and I was actually about 20 minutes from an anxiety attack.
This photo makes it seem that I’m feeling confident, sexy, and beautiful. But, behind that smile lies a completely different story. Last night I ran three miles because I wanted to make sure I could unwind enough to sleep later. I was seeing my family on my Dad’s side the next day and I was completely stressed. I often have to run out that extra level of anxiety in order to function. There’s so much that’s not being said. My lesson from not using social media is that I honestly didn’t realize how controlling it was.
How often I think that “oh, I should post about this because I want people to be impressed,” rather than actually having peace and just enjoying that moment. We’re constantly thinking about those “Instagram worthy” moments or we’re always looking for approval that we matter. What I realized through my week of no social media is that I already matter and I’m beautiful without worrying about how many likes my post gets, that I shouldn’t measure myself by others opinions. In truth this photo is also, obviously me.
But you would think these are two different people. This is me right before running three miles to run out that sadness and self hatred you can so obviously see written all over my face. There are things you don’t know. I hate myself very frequently, I have very low self esteems, and I struggle with severe anxiety and depression and after this week I know that no amount of likes is going to change that, only I can.