“How are you doing?” “How are you feeling these days?”
Burning questions that leave a hole making me feel like there’s two sides of me. The “How are you?” and the “So…how are you, how ya feeling?” Your asking me how I am and how my anxiety is doing. Believe it or not I’m not always honest about my answer towards either one. “I’m fine,” has been the universal phrase for people with anxiety as sub text for “I’m doing terrible but I don’t want to talk about with you and/or you probably don’t want to hear about so please just accept the I’m fine and don’t push it.”
I’m always fine. Probably need therapy, sometimes can’t control my emotions, in over my head, can’t sleep at night, fine. But, you know what it’s true. I’m not leaping through the ceiling but sometimes it’s good to at least say I’m fine. I’m okay. The panic attack is over, I’m watching my favorite show, wine in hand, kind of fine. Sometimes fine is everything so don’t knock the fine. I could be so much worse. Don’t be hurt when you can hear the lie it’s not to push you away but to keep me okay.