I’m having anxiety and that’s okay!

Yes, here we go! Over eating, nail picking, over thinking, overheated, close to crying, and completely terrified…ah, yes, this is where I shine. I’m quite good at having anxiety.

Really, I’m currently having an anxiety attack. I took a week vacation away from work and I’m going back tomorrow and I want to cry. Yes, I could probably use a new job but, here we are. I can’t stop thinking about having a drink or what everyone is going to say to me or what kind of problems have arisen since I’ve been gone. A sleepless night full of nightmares and crying awaits me. I’m having anxiety and it’s not okay, but I’m okay. I will get through this night, this week, this month. I will be okay, tonight I’m barely breathing and I’m holding back the tears.

The job has hit a low, there’s no room to move up, and I work 7 days a week every other week and I don’t relate to anyone there. So, there’s definitely a reason to feel my heart pounding in my chest. I will say this, as I sit here freaking out, I am watching Bobby Flay’s BBQ addiction and it’s definitely making me want to get back into cooking.

Lately, it’s just been that I don’t have the time for hobbies…or fun. I wonder how other people work jobs that they don’t like, but basically consume them stay happy? I’d like to try to find the time to make myself happy again. To not be an emotional, catastrophic mess every morning. There’s anxiety, there’s bad jobs, there’s boring. But this, this feels like my life has come to a halt.

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