Ducks and Dreams

So as I’m sure you’ve noticed, there’s been a pandemic sweeping the nation and even if you don’t struggle with anxiety, it can be kinda scary. Up till about two weeks ago I had a very lazy routine if you could even call it that. I wasn’t eating great, drinking a little too often, and had a non existent sleep schedule. This past week I have been getting up earlier, going for walks at the park, hitting the gym, and eating basically nothing but salad and vegetables. I’m essentially trying to cover all my bases as far as being a functional human. I even picked up my blogging again! I’m still job hunting, but I’m definitely being more selective when it comes to my next career move. Since my last job which I’m sure from my previous posts made me incredibly depressed and was a very toxic environment. It’s still hard sometimes for me to accept that life is not a strait arrow. I truly thought finding a career post-college would be kinda breeze. Nope. Not at all. I’m still struggling to find my niche or at least something 9-5 that doesn’t make me wishful for something bad to happen like a minor car accident or a case of the flu, just to have a few days off. Yeah, I was hoping to catch the flu or at least a cold from someone, that’s how bad it was. After over a year of this toxic mess, and barely a nod in my direction as I walked out the door, I felt ready for something new. It doesn’t have to be fun or exciting, just not hoping someone would rear end me on the way there. Doesn’t seem like too much to ask. So a few months ago I left that job, changed states, and began looking a new job. Then the coronavirus hit and my job hunt came to a screeching halt. But, my destructive habits began to run wild. Of course, I hit a pivoting moment recently, when I realized that I had left one toxic environment, but was beginning to create another in my mind. So I stopped fueling my dysfunctional patterns and have started making new ones. I still feel almost like I have a phobia when it comes to job hunting, not because I don’t want to work, I just wish it was something I truly wanted to do. It does feel true the saying about if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. I would love to find something involving writing, could be wishful thinking but my dream would be to work as a full time writer whether that be writing books or blogging. The dreams I have are not exactly out of reach, they may even be somewhat easy to accomplish but my constant fear of failure definitely holds me back. Being a full time writer, being more active, and having more hobbies isn’t exactly a mind blowing dream but it’s truly what I want right now in my life. So lately, I’m trying to act like the person I want to be and hopefully it’ll help me get closer to my dream life.

Anyways, these are the ducks that came to sit under my table at the park today 😊 Enjoy!

1 Comment

  1. Good luck with job hunting and I feel what you are saying. I am currently looking for a job, because I hate it where I currently work. I feel to some degree it is about getting the balance right between work and hobbies, though I don’t really know where to draw the line.

    Liked by 1 person

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